You are everything to me
I miss you so much Ben, everything reminds me of you. All I can do is pray to God that he gives be the strength to keep on going. And i know it sound really lame that I pray to god, but when it feels like im alone in the world, its a comforting feeling. I don’t want to forget about you, not that I could anyway. I like having you around to talk to, you make me laugh, and smile, and then cry, because your not here anymore. I dont want to be ‘with’ you anymore, you have a girlfriend and im moving on too, but i just want to go back to that weekend i spent at your place, after i found out you have a girlfriend, and we had been fighting for weeks, and i slept in your bed friday night while you were up drinking, then we watched the sun rise together, then the next night we i went to sleep in your bed again, and you came in and woke me up and took me to your parents room because the boys were drunk and were gunna sleep in your bed, and we slept there. and nothing happened, but its the closest i had ever felt to you. and i woke up next to you. I want to go back to that point, and just cuddle you, and i dont even want you to cuddle me back, because you have a girlfriend, i just want to cuddle you because that would make everything okay. Or i want to go back to that time where i came over to drop eggs off, because you were home alone and i knew you wouldnt have had anything ready for dinner and i wish i could go back and cuddle you forever and time would just stop and i would just be with you, because you make everything seem like its going to be okay. I just want you here. even if we had to go back to the night where i punched you in the face and you almost stabbed jai, and i ran upto you and stoped you and made you sit down and i slaped you because i was so inlove and i couldnt stand seing you be so wreckless, and just kept yelling and crying hystericaly untill you calmed me down and told me everything was going to be alright and we sat together, just me and you, for hours and hours just talking. I miss that most. You were always the one to tall me everything was going to be okay and now your not here, and you have a girlfriend, so you have to tell her that, not me. but i miss how reasuring you were, everything was okay when you were around, and when you said it would be. You were my world, you still are kinda. When you come back in September, i dont even give a fuck if you bring your girlfriend. I ill be at the airport and the second i see you get off the plane i will run out and hug you and probably constrict your breathing path ways, but hey, thats what you get for leaving bitch hahaha, nah but i wont let go. Not untill you tell me everything is going to be alright, and we are going to get photos together EVERYWHERE. at the airport, in the car, camping, out drinking, passing out, vomiting, eating breakfast , eating lunch, EVERYWHERE BITCH. your face will hurt from smiling so much. And we will go to hearsons. that would mean the world to me, ill just start crying, hystericaly. like im not even joking, and we will go skinny dipping again, like we always use to, and everything will have changed, but at the same time, it will be exactly the same.
please let september come soon, i need you to be here.
